I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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