He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
