he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
