why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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