dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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