i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
this just has baby written all over it
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
