im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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