I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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