did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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