This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
