Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
