dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Randomize
