dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
