i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
