sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
