you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
How does one acquire holy water?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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