Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
