So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
