on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
