I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
