Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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