she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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