I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I forget how to act sober
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
