all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
