kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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