Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
