There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
