if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
True but thats because hes a fetus.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
