Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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