Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize