I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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