Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
