Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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