I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
