were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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