When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize