none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
