i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
