so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
