Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
