I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
