Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
our cab driver is having phone sex.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
