i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
