wanna go halves on a baby?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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