It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Randomize
