Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
