Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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