he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
