the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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