So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
