Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
