Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
