my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
