so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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