I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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