I'd wear matching sweaters with you
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
