i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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