ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
