I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize