Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
