What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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