He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize