I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
