Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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