By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
