shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
