I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
