Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
