anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
