so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
