today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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