she was so not down for the gang bang
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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