Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
