Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
