all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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