Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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