So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
