if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
