Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
