At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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