Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The Olympian is in my bed
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
