It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
