would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
