So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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