Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
