I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
