Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize