i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
