got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
