As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize