Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
