I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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