I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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