if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
