i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
