Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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