So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Dear god my vagina.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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