Soap is not a condiment
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
