Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
