Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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