Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
