he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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