We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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