I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
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