at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
