She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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