chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
