wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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