He asked to "fluff my boner.."
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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